I Let My Kids Plan Our Family Trips. Here’s Why It Works.

Article Summary: 

• I let each of my four kids pick at least one thing that we all do on family vacations. 
• This ensures that everyone gets to do one thing they’re very excited about. 
• We’ll never be able to do everything at our destination on a family trip. But we can make sure that everyone feels heard and knows their opinions are valued. 

It was about a week before our first trip to Disneyland as a family of six that I began to question our sanity. 

I worried about packing what we’d need for four kids, all ten and under. I worried about how and when we would feed them and how much it would cost. I definitely worried about how we’d get through the day without losing anyone.

And I worried about making sure we hit up the rides that each kid would enjoy. There’s a big gap between a 2-year-old little girl and a tween boy. I didn’t want the middle kids getting left out, either. 

That’s when I hit on a practice that, 11 years later, we still do when we go on family vacations together: each person picks one activity they really want to do. And if we do nothing else for our entire trip, we move heaven and earth to do those things. 

We can’t ride all of the rides at Disneyland. But six rides at Disneyland? That, we can manage! Anything we get to do after that is just gravy. 

We can’t do everything there is to do in Los Angeles or any major city. But we can make sure we do the one thing each person is most looking forward to. And again, anything we do after those things is a nice bonus. 

The Key Benefits of Allowing Kids to Participate in Trip Planning

As we’ve done this over the years, I’ve realized there are several benefits for our family. I didn’t even expect some of them when we started trying this. 

• Everyone feels heard and valued. It can be easy for older kids or kids with bigger personalities to dominate decisions in a family. This way, everyone gets an equal say in what we do.
• It makes sure I don’t miss something. As parents, we’re used to making most of the decisions. You can’t have an entire vacation planned by a 4-year-old. But it also means we might miss something the kids want to do because it simply didn’t occur to us. 
• It teaches kids how to travel in a group. They’re learning that it’s a balance of doing what they want to do, and what others want to do. Hopefully, this will continue when they travel with friends in college, or with loved ones throughout their lives. 
• It teaches them to prioritize. I’m hoping this is another useful travel skill. You don’t always have time to see everything on a trip. I want them to be able to make hard decisions about what to see — and to realize they don’t have to do everything to enjoy a trip. 

There Are Other Things I’ve Noticed After Years of Consulting The Kids on Trips…

This works for all sizes of families, not just big ones.

It’s a valuable skill for all kids to learn to balance their own wants with the rest of the family’s, whether that family is big or small. Smaller families can probably allow kids to pick more activities, but they can still take turns doing what each person chooses. 

Parents, don’t forget yourselves!

If you’re like me, you can get caught up in making sure the kids have fun and get to do what they want on a trip. But this is your vacation, too! If you’re going to go along with what the kids want to do, they can also go along with your family activity pick. 

As soon as kids are old enough to understand what’s happening, they can start to help plan.

On that first Disneyland trip with four kids, our 2-year-old wasn’t old enough to make her own choices. But we made sure to plan some slower rides and activities we knew she’d enjoy. And soon after, she had plenty of opinions on what to do, along with everyone else in the family. 

Kids have some great ideas. We planned an entire vacation to Bryce Canyon National Park because my son saw a picture of the hoodoos. It blew his mind when he learned they were at an actual spot on Earth. So we drove to Utah to check them out. 

One of the kids also inspired our last trip to Mesa Verde National Park. She’d just finished studying Colorado history in the fourth grade and wanted to see the cliff dwellings she learned about for herself. 

Start by letting them pick an activity or two on vacation, and who knows where you’ll end up!

At the end of our vacation, we debrief.

We added this step to our family vacations a few years ago. We don’t overthink it — a few days after our trip, we just go around the dinner table and everyone says their favorite part of the vacation. 

It might be the activity they picked out. It might be an activity someone else picked out. Sometimes, they surprise themselves by liking something they didn’t want to do in the first place. 

And sometimes, their favorite part is something completely unplanned. It might be an in-between moment when we had dinner at a local restaurant or a stop for an impromptu concert in the park. 

I’m always surprised by everyone’s favorite moments. Sometimes, they’re even activities I thought went badly (and usually blame myself for!). And in the end, I discovered one of the kids really enjoyed that day. 

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This practice of getting everyone’s input has led all of us to try new things. I’m hoping it’s also helping us to lead lives of adventure together. 

Next up, see Claudicet’s article “My 9-year-old planned her own “solo” trip.” Her daughter gained confidence and learned valuable lessons along the way.